


Friends With Tax Benefits

by Seiya234



Series: Transcendence AU [20]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Transcendence (Gravity Falls), Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-06 04:47:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12809931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seiya234/pseuds/Seiya234
Summary: I never did post this on AO3 so here it isThe TAU AU where Mabel passes way too young, Henry and Dipper get friend married for the tax benefits, and everything turns out relatively okay.





	1. Chapter 1

Multiple universes, a new one branching off for every decision made.

Universes so much in number that not even a top hatted dream demon could keep up with every one of them.

(Dipper tried once when he was 22 and a bit bored and the resulting week long headache that had resulted was decidedly Not Worth It)

Here is one universe, where a certain deal between Henry and Stan and Dipper was never made (why? perhaps Dipper missed a detail, perhaps none of them stopped to think about what being pregnant with triplets would mean, perhaps there was no warning signs….there is no knowing now)l.

End result being, here is Dipper Pines, 27 years old, and watching his sister give birth to her triplets.

There was blood in the OR.

  
Far, far too much blood.

And Dipper had to choose, make the impossible decision.

Did he save his sister, or her newborn daughter?

(“Dipper Pines, if you love me, don’t worry about me. Save my girl. Please.”

He could never say no to Mabel. Even if it meant losing her.

There was a lot more that was shared between the two of them in the Mindscape before he returned them both to the hospital, felt Mabel leave even as he focused on saving Willow, but what the last conversation between the twins was shall remain strictly between the two of them.) 

————

Henry Pines never expected to be a widow by 27.

A widowed father of three newborns at that.

Henry knew, as they lowered the box with Mabel’s ashes into the ground, placed the seed that would grow into a pine tree on top of the small cardboard box, that there would never be another person for him again, no man or woman who could take Mabel’s place in his heart.

Dipper, holding Hank and Willow, hugged Henry with his wings, as together they began to sob.

—————

Two years of marriage, and seven daiquiris in, and Mabel looking at Henry cockeyed and plaster faced on the front porch of the Shack.

“Henry….Henry baby.”

Henry tried to focus on his wife but she was really blurry. ”…Yes Mabel?“

"I need you to promise me something. Something…somethin really big okay?”

“Anything, sweetheart,” Henry managed to get out.

"If I die, I want you to marry Dipper.”

“Of cou- MABEL WHAT-”

She giggled and boffed him on the shoulder.

“You don’t have to do the frickle frackle, just get friend married, yannow?”

Henry wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole and the only way that this could be worse was if Dipper showed up.

Dipper showed up, corporeal from a summon, and Mabel yanked him onto the porch chair with them.

“Was someone talking about me?” Dipper asked.

“Yeaaaaaaahhhh, Dipdops, I need you to marry my husband when I die okay?”

“Cool, okay, I can do that.”

Henry was blushing bright day glow red now, and studiously not looking at either his wife or his brother in law.

Dipper saw that Henry was trying to ignore him and refused to be ignored.

“I could get you a ring-would you like gold or silver? I mean, it doesn’t matter because I’ve already Marked you any way-”

“You did what?” Henry couldn’t help but squeak out as Dipper and Mabel began to laugh.

(it was on his cheek, though Henry couldn’t see it, the first place Dipper had ever drunkenly kissed Henry, because he loved Henry and Henry was his, though Mabel of course had first dibs on him)

Five years later, Henry was on that same porch swing, wearing a black shirt and blue jeans, stone sober and rocking a sleeping Willow in his arms. Dipper joined him a minute later, having just managed to put Hank and Acacia down for their naps.

They swung in amicable silence for a minute, and then with his free hand Henry reached into his pocket and grabbed out a simple silver band, with a tiny diamond set into it.

“Dipper, Stan and I could use the tax benefits. Will you marry me?”

Dipper was gobsmacked, but went along with the deceptively light tone that Henry was using.

“We don’t have to do the frickle frackle right?”

Henry smiled, albeit a little sadly.

“No, of course not.”

(unsaid in that was despite the best, if not slightly insensitive, recent efforts of some acquaintances of theirs, Henry had decided long ago that there would be no other man or woman for him again. No one would ever be able to fill Mabel’s place in his heart, and he didn’t want that place filled anyway.)

Dipper went on. “I have to say though, if I were ever attracted to anyone in that way, you would be on top of my Bone List.”

Henry, who had been taking a drink of water, proceeded to spit it out across the porch in laughter.

“Thanks Dip.”

Dipper had taken the ring from Henry and was holding it in his fingers, savoring the years upon years of memories within the ring, the emotions and-

“It was Hawk Corduroy’s ring-my grandfather. If we are going to do this, I want to do this right.”

Dipper said nothing for another moment, and kept rolling the ring between his fingers.

Finally, he asked, “Why?”

Henry began to stroke Willow’s hair, baby fine but already down to her back.

“First, I wasn’t kidding about the tax benefits, especially since I’m down to part time at the library for now. And secondly…”

He reached over, grabbed Dipper’s hand with his free one.

“We are raising these kids together, you are my brother and my friend and my partner and….and I remember what Mabel asked us that one time, and maybe I’m just being silly, but I think she’d want us to do this and-”

“Yes.”

“Really?”

“Yes really Henry.”

A pause.

“Um, we aren’t going to make a super big deal out of this are we?” Dipper asked. “Because I love you and all, and I’d be proud to be married to you, but, um-”

The look on Dipper’s face made Henry crack up all over again.

“No, we’ll just go down to the justice of the peace this week.”

“Cool.”

(long after the triplet’s great-great grandchildren had returned to the earth they come from, long after Henry was a distant memory in his mind, Alcor still wore the ring on his left hand. Some imagined the ring to have a great, terrible power and tried to take it.

That never ended well)

————

They clung to each other, and were bound.

Bound by loss, sadness that was grey and all encompassing, a bleeding hole in their souls, sadness that was never ending.

Bound by the determination to protect who was theirs, to protect the three small humans that Mabel had died to ensure that they lived, dark and ruthless in its scope to ensure that who was theirs was safe.

Bound by love, brotherly love of each other, love of the children, love even for Stan.

Love that was deep enough to triumph over anything that came in their way.

That wasn’t to say there weren’t rough spots here and there.

(but then again, that was life, with smooth and rough and good and bad patches all tangled and jumbled within one another)

—————

It was a really good thing that Dipper could touch the triplets like he could Mabel because otherwise this whole thing would have been impossible to pull off, practically speaking.

(the first time he held the babies in his arms, Dipper had spent long minutes just looking at them, golden tears rolling off his face and splashing on to their onesies, unable to believe that he could touch his kids, feel their heartbeats and the blood rushing under their skin)

Dipper could pop onto the physical plane under his own steam, but it was hard, hard to determine how long he had before he utterly exhausted himself and had to phase back on the mindscape. And yes there were sacrifices of candy and food and beer (and Henry was a damn fine cook) but it did nothing to block out the constant background hum of summons in his head.

It took a lot out of Dipper to ignore the constant requests for his presence, the opportunity to tempt and punish and play with the ignorant (no, no, no that was Bill talk), the taste of blood that came on the wind and landed on his tongue (if it tasted like human blood, Dipper went and took care of that immediately because there were some things that needed to be taken care of, kids or no kids, as soon as possible).

Dipper held his niblings as much as possible, cuddling with Hank on the couch, wrapping Acacia to his chest with his wings and some impossible physics, hours spent rocking Willow in the rocking chair in their nursery. Being near his kids, focusing on their presence, helped Dipper to ignore the unceasing beckoning. And honestly, if he could fight off a demon of unimaginable power and might for the sole possession of his body, best him in a battle of will, then Dipper really should be able to handle this.

But.

But Dipper wasn’t just Dipper any more, or just an uncle, just a nephew, just a brother, just a husband.

He was a demon.

A demon that eventually couldn’t ignore that pull on his soul and the scream of his instincts and went out to answer a summons.

A demon who couldn’t help but think that the world would be better off without not only the leader of the cult who had almost sacrificed a child in front of him, but her hanger-ons as well.

A demon who ripped and tore souls from the flesh, because that meant more power which meant more time on this plane, which meant more time with the triplets.

(Dipper would do anything for his children. Anything. And if that meant he was damned, well, he had been damned since he was twelve.)

——

“Da!”

Acacia waved her chubby arms up at Henry from the floor, as he laughed and tried not to cry because Mabel should be here to see this, hear this too.

Acacia looked over at Dipper, and looked at him quizzically for a second.

“Can you say “Uncle”?” Dipper asked.

“I don’t know if she’s there yet Dip,” Henry said, patting Dipper on the shoulder.

“Hey, you never kno-”

“Dunk!”

Dipper grinned, his smile like a shark’s.

“It’s a start.”

(The kids ended up calling Dipper “Dunkle” most of the time, and Dadu , Dadcor, Deedu,and other nicknames the other half the time. Dipper was worried that it was like betraying Mabel,  but Henry told him to stop being a goof.)

——

When the triplets were two, and still walking like tiny drunks everywhere, a short man with a large white blond pompadour broke into the nursery and took them while Henry was at work and Dipper was stuck listening to a man drone on about why Alcor should totally help him take over the world.

(they were all he had left of his marshmallow, his Mabel and there was no way Gideon would let the Pines family ruin them. The children were rightfully his; they should have been his and Mabel’s, rather than Mabel and that mistake, but it wasn’t too late to fix things. Like that last name for starters-Gleeful always had a better ring to it than Pines)

Stuck, that is, until Dipper felt waves of fear and unhappiness ripple through his heart, the three links on his being panging like piano strings being struck and oh my god-

Dipper felt ice go down his spine. He couldn’t lose them, couldn’t lose his children like he lost Mabel, he could̡n̳͇̮̗͇̪’̡̳t̸̲,͠ ̻͉̥̲͍he̵͙̜ ҉̗̭c̪̪o̲͉u͙̠̪̩̣̱̕l҉͖̲̻̭̣d͇̮̲͓ṇ’̧t̮-͕̲̣̘̙

Absently, Alcor tasted the fear rolling in waves off of the pitiable thing in front of him, noticed distantly that he had gone sable black and yellow lines. Alcor reached out a hand, pushed a hand through flesh and bone, and took the man’s soul, eating it in one gulp rather than savoring the taste or making it last like he usually would. Alcor needed it more than him right now.

(Henry found out his children had been kidnapped when he got a call from Stan while he was at work. Henry didn’t remember the next hour, but Mr. Hagesawa later told him that he broke the phone from squeezing it so hard and at some point he had managed to drive himself back to the Shack)

Gideon had made it as far as the forest around the Mystery Shack before he met his doom.

In the minutes up to then, he was struggling to wrangle three tiny redheads who seemed to have turned into little wiggle bots. Wiggle bots that also would have been shattering his eardrums if it weren’t for the spell he had slapped over their mouths to mute them. Gideon kept reminding himself that this was worth it, and once he had gotten out of town, they would settle down and then he could teach his kids some manners, lord only knew what the Pines had done to his children-

“Y̛o̢ur̡ chil͘dr̸en?̛ ͜I ͢d͡on'͔̹͕͕t ̥̠͍̯͎t҉̟̭̹ͅh͖̻͔̤i̻͕͈̬͘n̼͓̬͎͚͜k͞ͅ ͎̠͈̤͚̀s͍͔͓̬̙o͙̱̠̝.̪̟̯͕"̢̭͙͇͎̖͚ͅ

There was a man. Or at least, it was shaped like a man.

Men usually didn’t have large wings erupting from their back.

Or pits of yellow light where their eyes should have been.

And humans weren’t usually wreathed in blue fire, the ground quaking slightly where they tread.

If Gideon were a smarter man, he would have comprehended how completely fucked he was.

But he wasn’t so he took some salt that he had in a pouch from his belt and flung it at the demon.

In response, the demon grew even larger, opened a jaw that unhinged like a snake and had teeth like a shark, and roared.

Mabel’s children, rather than shrieking in terror or crying even more hysterically than they had been, instead started…

Gideon couldn’t believe it. They had started to giggle.

The little boy (Hank, Gideon remembered, though he hadn’t been too fussed and bothered about their names because he had been planning on changing them as soon as they made it to Alaska) cried “Da! Da!”

Alcor reached out and easily plucked his children (his, his, no one else’s, and how dare this worm in front of him even think to touch Alcor’s children-) from the interloper’s grasp. In his arms, his stars blazed bright and happy once more. Polaris bwapped his front with a little fist, and Antares sneezed once or twice before falling asleep.

Gently, oh so gently, Dipper brushed against the minds of his niblings, sending Acacia and Hank to sleep as well, ensuring that they would only dream of happy things before blipping them back to the Shack with a thought.

(And Henry, who hadn’t been able to summon Dipper, and had been pacing the Shack with Stan, both of them almost vibrating from the need to do something, almost collapsed in belief to feel reality waver for a second, and then have his arms full of his children)

Alcor turned back to where the worm had been standing with his stars, but the little mortal had already run.

It was no matter. Alcor could smell his fear, hear his heart beat, feel where the little man’s feet trod upon the ground. It was nothing for Alcor to rip a hole in reality (reality! what a funny, stupid concept really) and emerge where the man was.

Gideon tried to turn to run but found his path blocked at every turn by blue fire, burning almost white in its intensity and circling around Gideon and the demon.

Now the demon was in his almost human guise, looking remarkably like a grown up Dipper Pines, had Dipper not disappeared when his perfect peach had been twelve and the world had turned upside down.

“Did you honestly think,” the demon asked him, “that you would get away with it? That you could take my̬ ̳̲̞̪̰͠c̹͉̥͉̯h̳̗̫̩̮̦̝͡il͙̟̲̪̤d̙̳͈͚͜r̺͔͍̞̙͙e͖̙͉̞͟n̨̫̦̹̣̤̠ ̘̻̼͙̖ͅf̸̘͖̫̮͚̠r͈̜̭̤̮̳̙ơ͕̫̜͉͔̳m͉̫̙̟̠̟ ̤̰̭m̭͓̥͖̖e̥?”

Even though a little part of Gideon was smart enough to know not to engage with the hellspawn in front of him, the larger part of him couldn’t help but snarl “YOUR children? If my Mabel was still alive, she would rather die than let a demon touc-”

Suddenly Gideon couldn’t breathe and his feet gave out from under him, leaving him face first on the ground, crippled by the waves of fear he felt emanating from the demon in front of him. He could see shiny patent leather shoes slowly come near him, the demon kneel next to him, a gloved finger place itself under Gideon’s chin and force his gaze up to the demon’s.

“If my sister was still alive,” the demon told Gideon, “she still wouldn’t love you.”

A razor sharp claw shot through the fabric of the tip of the glove, drawing a slight bit of blood from Gideon’s throat. The dem-no. No, this was Dipper, Dipper Pines though Gideon had no idea how on earth that happened, how this abomination could be.

Dipper licked Gideon’s blood from his finger.

“And if Mabel were still alive, she would do a lot worse to you than what I’m about to do for touching the kids.”

Suddenly, Dipper’s form erupted in front of him into something incomprehensible to human eyes or minds and Gideon began to scream.

“S̼͔͍̣̙h̝͞a̭͚̻̱l̨̟̘̲̘͈͔̗l̠̝̗͍̰̹ ̻̗̟̼͎̜̟w̟͇͜ȩ̙ ̪͓͉̟b̶̹̗̹̺̮e̗̜̹̫̰̥̖g̫̹̭̤͉͚̖͝in̩͢ͅ ̪͚̙̞͖̗͈Gi̛̟̣͕̟̤͕̞d̬̗̭̕e̸͙̪on̹?͘”

There was a part of the forest that forever after no living thing set foot in; even the bugs stayed away. There time had stretched, impossible, a second lasting a decade, an hour a century. There a man was taken almost to the point of death, healed, and then taken back to the point of death over and over and over again.

(how many times? it was hard to tell. how long does the anger of a demon last?)

There was a corner of the vast consciousness of Alcor the Dreambender that held imprisoned within it a soul, a soul that was forever screaming, begging for release, even devourment being preferable to the grey hell the soul found itself in now

(did the demon eat the soul? perhaps eventually? but even when the details began to fade from Dipper’s mind, still Alcor knew that the soul he kept pent within him needed to suffer, that there was a reason why he hadn’t eaten that morsel yet)

Henry woke up from the cat nap he had been taking on their bed, all three kids around him and Mabel’s bat ready at hand, to find that his husband had returned. He was covered in blood, blood all over his front, on his hands and face, on his teeth. In Dipper’s arms, he held the triplets tightly, unable or unwilling to let them go, staring blankly into the distance.

Dipper registered that Henry was awake, and proceeded to tell him what he did to Gideon.

Dipper managed to get out three sentences before Henry ran to the bathroom and threw up everything he had eaten in the last two days.

(but even though Henry had nightmares that night, was haunted for the rest of his life by the knowledge of what Dipper had done, still that night he dragged Dipper into bed with him and the kids when it seemed like his husband was going to be a stubborn doofus and run away.

Dipper was his partner, his children’s uncle and father, and he had saved their kids. Henry could never, ever turn Dipper away.)

They never told the triplets about this however.

——

Henry didn’t know what he would have done without his cousin and the girls. Wendy, Candy, Grenda…they all came through for him and Dipper.

They could never take Mabel’s place (and they were not trying to of course) but all three of them were just so wonderful.

Candy babysat the kids when Dipper was out and Henry had to work, and taught them how to knife fight (sure there was the time that Henry almost had a heart attack because he didn’t know that Candy was going to show them how to knife fight and he came home to his three darling children trying and failing to stab Dipper with wooden knives, but now it was just funny).

  
The triplet’s first job was at Grenda’s pet shop, and Grenda taught them invaluable lessons about responsibility, the value of hard work, and when to duck because the dragon was about to flame and don’t look the teacup griffin in the eye seriously don’t.

And then there was Wendy.

Wendy who took the girls out to buy their first bras, helped take them prom dress shopping, who told Willow that it was okay if she didn’t want to be with anyone, who gave Acacia dating pointers.

Wendy who practically lived at the Shack the amount of time she spent watching the triplets growing up.

Wendy who taught them how to climb trees (and take them down).

  
Wendy who also totally won the ‘coolest aunt/uncle’ contest hands down.

Henry had Dipper and Stan, but he was beyond lucky, honored and touched, to have Candy, Grenda, and Wendy in his family’s life as well.

————-

Dipper knew the second that it happened when Mabel reincarnated, felt her soul come back onto this plane..

(because that was his sister, his twin…and, um, that whole owning her soul thing which had never stopped being really painfully awkward for him, and was even more so now that he realized it went past death as well, would stretch over lifetimes.)

But at the same time Mabel reincarnated, he also had his hands full of a ten month old Hank, who had just puked on his suit, and Willow and Acacia were sobbing, and Stan was yelling in the Library at a book collector on the phone that he had been in a bidding war with, and Henry was trying to heat a bottle and-

well.

Mabel was back. But she wouldn’t be Mabel, the Mabel he knew, his sister. She was a new person now, in a new family, a new life.

And in the meantime, he had with him the three little people she had brought into this world, the husband that she had trusted him with, the Shack to watch over.

It killed Dipper to not run immediately to Mabel’s side, to watch over her as she grew, to see who she was (or he, or they-the soul was genderless after all), what he would have in common with his sister and what would be new.

But Mabel wasn’t his only family any more. Now he had Henry, and Acacia and Hank and Willow (and Stan, how could he forget Stan?).

(one of the last things she had asked him was “Take care of them Dipper. Please, please, take care of Henry and-” Even in the Mindscape she had started to cry a bit, scared even though she was trying to put up a jolly front for Dipper. “-and the kids. Please.”)

Dipper could never refuse his sister, even before she literally gave him her dying wish. And he loved his family.

So as hard as it was, (and Dipper would be lying if he said not a day went by without him thinking about popping in to see the new person his sister was now), Dipper tried his best to put Mabel out of his mind, to focus on his niblings and husband and grunkle.

The fact that seven years later his sister ended up waltzing into town anyway boggled his mind.


	2. Chapter 2

****

The Woodsman appeared for the first time when the kids were seven.

Henry wasn’t sure how the warlock in front of him found out about their relationship to Dipper.

Or how he had somehow managed to make a circle that bound even Dipper, and had tossed a trussed up Henry in next to him-

(Henry could feel the hate radiating off of Dipper, feel the heat of his eyes burning into the air, and the massive amount of will it was taking for Dipper to not completely lose his shit and scare the kids even worse than they already were).

Objective Henry wasn’t sure what drinking the blood of his children would do for said warlock since Henry was pretty sure demon magic and/or genetics didn’t work like that, and the warlock was going through all of this for nothing.

Objective Henry was just a tiny insignificant speck in his mind however, the vast majority of Henry focused on breaking the spell binding him more sure and true than any rope, chain, or zip tie ever could. Next to him he could feel Dipper throwing himself again and again against the wall of will called into being by the warlock, making cracks and dents in it, but it wouldn’t be enough, oh god it wouldn’t be enough.

Because there was Acacia, slapped unconscious after she had tried to bit the warlock’s ear off, and there was Hank, who had slammed his head into the warlock’s stomach and for his trouble got thrown against the wall (no no _no_ he was seven, he was only _seven_ ).

And there was Willow, and a knife against her upper arm, making a quick cut (their brave girl didn’t make a sound, didn’t make a peep, but just glared at Tony the Warlock like he was not even dirt under her feet) and the warlock lapping the blood up with his tongue.

“Oh little girl,” the warlock purred, and the look in his eyes at Willow made Henry simultaneously terrified for his daughter and have a bright crimson red drop over his gaze. “We are going to have-” Here he made another cut and this time Willow couldn’t help but let out a small yelp that broke Henry’s heart. “- _fun_ tonight.” He took even longer licking the blood from her skin and Willow began to sob quietly.

Dipper started to fight against the circle he was bound in even more furiously, losing control of his hold on his more human guise, sparks bursting as he bumped against the circle, teeth and fangs bared, black and gold stealing across his form.

Henry had never felt more powerless, more useless, in his entire life. Within him, in the little part of his heart that belonged to Dipper now, he could feel that his husband felt just as helpless as Henry did.

There had to be something, _anything_ Henry could do.

The part of Henry that was tied to Dipper burned with hate and fury, and Willow screamed, unable to control herself any more (and she was seven, she was only _seven_ that was something little girls shouldn’t have to worry about).

Henry could never quite explain how he did what he did afterwards, or what gave him the idea. All he remembered was focusing on that little ball of hate in him and _pulling_ on it.

Suddenly it felt like he was on fire, every cell within him blazing and burning, every single part of him in immense, horrific pain. Henry felt distantly bone shooting out of his head, an axe coming to his hand and the wood spiraling up and into his arm, the bonds the warlock placed on him ripping to shreds, his eyes sinking into his skull to be replaced with…something else. Perhaps that was the reason for the pain…

But Henry knew better, knew it was because Dipper was consumed with hate, consumed with bloodlust, focused on making sure the warlock in front of them died a horrible death and honestly?

He felt the same way now.

Every movement was pain, and he felt like he would bow under the weight of the hate surging through him, but still Henry moved through it, and broke the circle to free Dipper.

Henry managed to get out “T̵ake th̛e͜m̀ a̧n͡d go,” to Dipper and was that his voice? He didn’t sound like that, only Dipper did.

It didn’t matter, in the end. It didn’t matter if he burned out and away at the end of this (and then he’d be with Mabel, no, _no_ remember the kids), didn’t matter what he did.

All that mattered was making sure that Acacia and Hank and Willow were okay, that Dipper was okay.

Dipper picked up Hank and Acacia, grabbed Willow from the suddenly nerveless arms of Tony the Warlock, and blipped the four of them out of existence.

That left Henry alone with the warlock.

“I…I…I didn’t mean…I wasn’t going to _do_ anything to…to them….”

Henry hefted his axe.

“I _do͠ub͢t_ ţha̕t̛.”

(from that day forward Henry gained a pair of antlers.

Every other time the Woodsman made an appearance, hands would dangle from his antlers, and the tips of his horns and the fingers that dangled down from them were alit with an awful burning blue flame.

But from the first time the Woodsman sprang into being there would always be an eyeball, a kidney, a foot, dangling off the branch of his antlers closest to his heart).

————-

Legally, Henry and Dipper were married.

Sure Dipper Pines was technically no longer alive, dead at age twelve in a tragic explosion by his Grand-Uncle’s house.

But Dipper was a demon, and it was amazing what he could replicate or bring out of the ether. In this case, all the paperwork needed to prove that Tyrone Pines was a real person, and a person who could get legally married to Henry Pines in the state of Oregon.

The problem, Henry realized, was getting him to be serious about the whole thing.

“Dipper, you can’t put your social security number as 666-66-6666.”

Dipper looked at him, puzzled.

“Why not?”

Henry sighed. “Because it is so fake sounding it’s not even funny. Just use your old social and change a digit or something, I don’t know.”

Dipper’s brow furrowed, but he erased the number and put in a more realistic looking one.

Two minutes later and, “Dipper, you can’t put that your hometown is ‘Funkytown, California.’ There is no such place.”

“There is now.”

“Dipper, be serious.”

“I am. Go look on a map.”

Henry rolled his eyes, and walked to the old atlas they kept on the desk in the Library.

Dipper kept filling out things, hearing in the background the ruffling of paper in the other room, a sudden thunk, swearing, and the thud of boots hurrying back into the kitchen and-

“Dipper Pines, what the fuck did you just do, what did you just literally fucking do, oh my God, oh my _God_ -”

Dipper rolled his eyes. “Calm down, I just changed the name of town that was already there, I didn’t like, create anything new. Just tampered with some maps and minds, but that’s it.”

(He could have with a little more time and forethought, done what Henry had accused him of, but Dipper didn’t think he would appreciate being told that.)

Henry had just calmed down from _that_ little snfau when he happened to look over Dipper’s shoulder again and-

“Dip.”

“Yes?”

“Dipper.”

“What Henry?”

“Dipper, you…you can’t….Dipper, why on earth do you have your parent’s cause of death listed as ‘fed to wild orcas in the Gulf of Mexico’?”

“Because it’s funny.”

“Are there even killer wha-you know what, don’t answer that. I don’t care any more as long as all of this goes through.”

(In the end, it did, somehow, all work out fine, even though Dipper also put down his blood type as L, used Henry’s birthday of June 18th as well for him, and claimed that he was born with pink hair.

When the marriage license was slid across the counter from them, and they were told to wait 48 hours before getting married, tears sprung to both of their eyes.)


	3. Chapter 3

When Stan said he was going to take the kids to meet up with an old flame of his-Starla or Carla or something like that-for the weekend, Henry had expected to pass the time quietly. Do some reading, fix the bathroom sink, and other little chores that were easily forgotten when one was constantly chasing around three toddlers.

Instead he had been kidnapped by a fanatical “witch hunter,” and dragged out into the woods where he had spent an hour hanging upside down from a tree, being beaten to an inch of his life.

A silver knife had been at his throat, and the hunter ready to slice when Dipper had shown up.

The night had quickly devolved into blood and screaming after that.

Now Henry was home, gingerly lying on his bed. Dipper had healed his wounds (and neither of them mentioned the cost for that-it had already been paid) but Henry couldn’t get what had happened to him out of his mind. It was only sheer luck that Dipper had thought to blip where Henry was and see what he was doing…

This had been close. Too close.

Dipper was currently curled up next to Henry, rumbling and making distressed sounding growling noises. Occasionally, the word “mine” came across Henry’s ears.

Finally, Henry cleared his throat and managed to croak out, “Dipper, I want to give you my soul.”

The rumbling and other noises stopped. Dipper shot straight up and looked at Henry.

“Are you fucking nuts?”

Henry scowled at Dipper. “Excuse you. No I’m not.”

Dipper looked at him like Henry had popped another head from his shoulders, and also said head had a horn and five extra eyes.

Henry pushed on. “You had Mabel’s soul-”

“I still do have it,” Dipper said quietly.

“-and that’s turned out fine.”

Dipper pinched the bridge of his nose.

“It’s…you two….it’s just not the same okay?”

Any other night Henry would have let it stop at that, but not tonight, not when there was a cut across his throat, thin and shallow and already scabbed over, but still there.

“Why not Dipper?” Henry pressed.

“Because.”

Henry hurt all over but darn it, now he was kind of miffed.

“Because why Dipper? Just ‘because’ isn’t good enough.”

Dipper shook like he was about to yell, and then he became terribly still.

“Do̕ ̢y͘o̕u ̢r͠ȩa̵l̀ly̸ ́w͢ant to̕ ̷k͠n͘o͠ẁ ͏w͝hy th̵a̛t'͝s͢ ҉a ͟ba͞d ̨idea̧?” Dipper asked.

Henry refused to be intimidated. “Go ahead Dipper,” he replied, sitting up in turn and crossing his arms.

Dipper scowled. “Your şoul̡ would b̵e mi̡ne, no̷t ̵just̷ i̢n ̸this ̷li͏fe, ͡bu͢t t͘h͏e ͘nèx͏t̛, ̸an͏d ̢th̡e͢ next on̡e̕….and, look, I’d have your soul for a really long time okay?”

“I trust you.”

Flames flared up off of Dipper. “Y̝̖Ơ̖̖U͞ ̤̘̬̼̀S̫̪̤͕͍̫̞H̦̟O͎̹͢U̶͓̪L̙̮̖̕ͅD̩͜N̷'̮̦͚͉̻̙͠Ţ̖̮̯”

Henry chuckled and Dipper looked completely lost, even though his eyes had burst aflame and yellow and black brickwork had begun to steal across him.

“Dipper,” Henry gently said, reaching out and clucking Dipper under the chin. “I trust you with the three most precious souls in my life. Why shouldn’t I trust mine with you?”

Dipper still looked unconvinced, so Henry went on. “Also, I was thinking…I…I almost died today and I…I know if you had my soul, you would have been there earlier.”

Henry saw the look on Dipper’s face and quickly backtracked.

“Dipper, do not go on the guilt train. What happened today was not your fault. That being said…”

He took a deep breath. “This is my life now. But more than that, this is Acacia’s life. And Hank’s. And Willow’s. And yours. I want to be there for their lives, for yours.”

He grabbed Dipper’s hand, brought it to his chest. “I’m willing to pay whatever price to make sure our children…Mabel’s children, are safe. Safe and looked after. No matter the price.”

Dipper looked like he had been hit by an eighteen wheeler, and Henry patted his shoulder. “To quote your sister, ‘chill out dork.’”

His husband looked like he was going to have a aneurysm.

Henry sighed. “Look, if you…if you had my soul, you would have known right away that I was in trouble today and dont you dare start feeling guilty Dipper I mean it….Point being, we live dangerous lives. This would help and you know it.”

He still looked torn and Henry said, “If you need to think about it, that’s fine, and if you don’t want to that’s fine too, just keep it in mind.”

They sat in silence for a minute, Henry stroking Dipper’s hand on his chest comfortingly, Dipper staring off into nothing in particular.

“Are you sure about this?” Dipper asked, breaking the silence.

“Yes,” Henry replied gently.

He looked down at Dipper’s hand on his chest. “Um….how is this going to work?”

Dipper’s hand burst into blue flame and despite himself, Henry gulped.

Dipper noticed his apprehension and smiled at Henry. “Trust me.”

He cleared his throat, and the temperature of the room dropped, shadows appeared where there were none before, and Dipper’s presence in the room became thick and heavy, making it harder to breathe.

“Y̷̱̗̳͔oų̲̣̫ ̝̠̮͢w̧̯͍͈̳̪̯ͅḭs̟͖̜͖h̹̬̙̦̘͇ ͏t̸͚̠̘̺͇̞̪o͎̠̖̩̞̘̕ ̷̣̟͕̟̦̱g̗̠͖͖̫i̫̻̜vͅe̘͉ͅ ͓̰͘m̠̹̰̲̩̜͡e̖̻̟̻ ̣͙̫y̳̗͖̪͡o̞͙u̴̥̣̪̜̣r̵̤ ̷͉̲s̟͇͖̀o͍̣ul̡̩͙̫͚ ͍̙̻͈̭̥t̷̮͙̦̜͍̜̳h̢e̶̦̹n̟?̺̼͕̲”

Henry pushed aside his nervousness, his fear, the feeling that this was a really terrible idea after all.

“Yes.”

The heavy presence in the room died down for a second and Dipper’s voice went back to normal. “Seriously, Henry, you don’t have to do this and once you do there’s no going back and-”

Henry was suddenly infinitely more relaxed. He patted the flaming hand on his chest. “Hey. Remember. I trust you. I’ve thought about this. Let’s do it.”

Dipper nodded.

“H̯̥e̥͎̕n̙̬̹r̸̹͕̝y̻̹͔ ̳̗̟̜̗̞͜J͍̗͎o̥̲͖͠h̲̥̩͉̙̯n̨ ̜P̼͎̰̲̩̹i̯n̲̮͘e̴̤͙̳͈ͅs̰̼͈̙̟” and every syllable and cadence of his Name from Dipper’s mouth shook Henry to his bones.

(Corduroy wasn’t in there. That hadn’t been his Name for a long, long time.)

“D͍̼͖o ̛̗y̶̖o̜̰͔̱͈̫u ̞w̝̖̼i̫͕̙ll͓̼͙i͎̮͍̖̤n̡̲̫̘̣̤͖̤g̠͜ͅl̨̫̫̹̥͇͈y͉͟ ̢͔̗͙g̨̣̝͍̬̻i̢͙͕̗v͙̣͎͜e͖̥̺̜̰͢ ̛̗̫̮̣̘͖ͅy͕̥̼͕̰̻o̸̻̤̲̯̳̱ͅu̵r̫͉̱̼̕ ̟̜̗s̶̪̪͔̦̟̼o͚̲̭̻̲̣u̠͕l̴̘̦ ̙̼͖̜t̨̻̫ǫ̫̪̱̫ m͏̖̥̤̰e͚̼?͓̝̦͔̰̯” he asked and the flames coming from Dipper’s hand on his chest grew higher.

Henry steeled himself and looked Dipper straight in the eyes. “Yes.”

A moment passed, the air taut with tension, as if the world around them was on the edge of breath, the beginning of a heartbeat, the passing of a life.

Just about the time Henry expected Dipper to falter, the demon’s voice reverberated in a tone that was downright alien to him – it sunk deep into Henry’s bones and settled there, unforgiving lead weights that paralyzed his limbs and caused his heart to beat rapidly in a desperate staccato rhythm.

“Wi̸t͏h̵ ͏thi̴s̢ ̧óa̷t́h.̧..͝ y͝ou ͘sub̀mit̴ y͝ou̷r͡ bod͜ỳ,͡ yo͠u͡r m̀i̷ńd, ̧y͡o҉u̢r͝ ̶very̢ e͡xist̡en҉c̷e͘.̛ ”

A pale blue light fluttered from beneath Dipper’s claws, just as tendrils of luminescent smoke rose into the air. It curled and waved, reaching towards Henry’s limbs and neck with a melancholy whisper; the song of dying whales, the chiming of broken bells.

Henry’s jaw fell slack, and his voice was forcefully drawn out like unbidden bile, clawing past trembling lips despite having no will to speak.

“Everything that I am, I give to you,” The last few syllables cracked as Henry’s expression contorted to one of worry despite his best efforts – it felt so utterly violating to have his own body betray him, to utter words against his will. But he did his best to keep calm, returning over and over again to the trust he held for Dipper. “Do with me as you will.”

That last line made Henry’s gut churn, but Dipper only lowered his gaze for half a breath in solemn acceptance.

“V͘e͘r̫̬̺y̘ ̡̭͚͈w̟̕ḛ͓̲̰͉͕ll̳̙͎͇͎̺” and with that Dipper dug his hand into Henry’s chest.

There was no blood, no rending of muscles or breaking of bone, but Henry could feel Dipper’s hand within him (like that time at the lake, no don’t think of that now-), reaching and then gently clasping around something that was never meant to be touched, no matter what the intent was.

The tendrils of what appeared to be glowing smoke made one final lurch before they struck – coiling around Henry’s wrists, his ankles, his neck. Henry’s eyes widened the moment he heard a metallic groan and felt a tangible weight grip his skin, the smoke forming into ethereal chains and metal shackles.

Henry wished he could feel something, anything, other than numbing pressure. Like he was being pulled down into something he knew he’d never be able to escape, and he couldn’t even find the strength to scream.

Alcor’s eyes flared a brilliant gold, before damning words dripped from terrifying fangs.

“He͢n̢cef͡o͟rth̴, yơu b̶͝e͘͜l̸ó̶ng͟ ́͘͜t͘̕o͟ ̱̮̖͌ͭ̒m̝͈̞͉̩̰̈́̿͊̈̈́̀e̺͎̫̹̿ͭ͑͘.̳̮͕̞̩̇̃͌ͅ .”

Dipper pulled and from his chest emerged both his husband’s hand and a glowing light blue sphere with little wisps trailing off of it and into the atmosphere.

Henry couldn’t help but think that this was quite possibly the most surreal thing that had ever happened to him. And he had been through a lot of weird shit in his thirty years of life thus far.

“H̶̩͕e͓̠̼̝͍n̺̭̣̖͎̺r̼̠̖ý̜̙̭…Henry.” Dipper’s voice shook him out of his reverie and distantly he registered the scarily fast beat of his heart, the cold sweat that had broken out over him, the way every one of his muscles were shaking with terror and adrenaline.

“It’s okay, It’s going to be okay, we’re almost done,” Dipper said soothingly, and Henry’s heart felt like it was going to burst.

God he loved Dipper.

His soul in Dipper’s hand seemed to flare brighter at that thought, the wisps coming off of it licking Dipper’s hand and arm like excited puppies and even though Henry felt ready to die from the fear and stress, he still couldn’t help but smile at that image.

“I’m sorry Henry but this next par͓͍͚͔̬͠t͔͔͔̠͇̘ ̤i̯̠̠͇s͍̜͡ ͉̟͟g̱̗o̫̙i͏n҉̲̜̼̯g͞ ̬̭͍̗͍̤͈t̘͔̟͇̯͇͈o h̿̈͛҉͙͕̦͙͙̝͈ű͙̐r̼̾̊̒͊̈́t̳ͪ͡.”.̃ͬ͊

Before he had a chance to really begin and freak out, Dipper popped his soul in his mouth and swallowed it.

Dipper was wrong.

That didn’t hurt.

Hurt couldn’t begin to describe the pain that was ripping through Henry’s body, the suffocating wrongness that he felt like worms crawling over every inch of his skin, the complete, bone deep surety that he was at death’s door, that any second now his heart would give up the fight, his blood would still and-

Dipper reached into his own chest, and in any other situation Henry would have freaked out about that because fuck that looked weird but he was a little occupied at the minute.

Dipper pulled his hand back out and held within it Henry’s soul. He reached over and gently pushed it back into Henry’s chest. The shock of his soul being returned to him felt like he was being born all over again.

Henry rolled over on the bed, and braced himself on his elbows as he took deep, racking breaths of air, tried his best to calm himself down, to slow his racing heart. The shackles that once adorned his limbs slowly dissipated into the air, but somehow Henry could still feel their weight. They may be hidden, but the lingering pull told him they’d always be there – and he felt that invisible chain coil straight towards Dipper.

A hand began to rub his back. “Do…um, do you want a glass of water?” Dipper asked rather lamely.

Henry couldn’t help himself, he began to laugh, slight chuckles at first, and then large, racking laughs, laughs and sobs that shook his frame from their intensity.

Dipper looked at him with the expression that Mabel always called his “How Do People? Face” and Henry managed to choke out in between the laughs, “Come on Dipper, I could use a hug.”

He held his arms out and grabbed Dipper into a big bear hug. Dipper’s wings wrapped around the two of them, and they held each other for some time afterwards.

Later he would ask Dipper what this would mean, what having his soul would entail.

Later he would have a massive freakout in the privacy of his truck parked out in the woods.

Later he would have a really big sandwich because intense existential trauma was very energy consuming.

For now however, Henry was content to comfort and be comforted in turn by his husband.


	4. Chapter 4

They went back to the Deschutes County Courthouse that Friday to get married. They didn’t even get married by a judge or a justice of the peace, but instead stood in front of a clearly bored county clerk who spoke slower and more drolly then Ben Stein.

Their only witness was Stan (Soos was tied up with a sticky selkie situation back home, and Wendy was currently off the grid at McMurdo Station in Antarctica) and they each held a triplet.

Stan spent most of the ceremony looking disgruntled and holding his hand behind his back because Acacia was kind enough to puke in his hand.

Henry kept on the ring he had gotten from Mabel (there was no question of him taking it off. Period.)

Dipper had an old, battered silver band slid onto his ring finger, a tiny, tiny speck that was maybe a diamond but more likely cubic zirconia.

Willow stared almost disconcertingly at the air around Henry and Dipper.

Hank cried so loud at one point that the clerk lost his place and decided to start again.

It was kind of a hot mess and it was perfect.

————————————————————————

Delethia Robinson had been hoping that it would be Henry Pines that came to this parent-teacher conference. She had heard stories about his husband, Tyrone. Consensus in the teacher’s lounge among those who had taught the triplets already was that Tyrone was a bit overbearing and….odd.

Not _bad_ (unless you were Mr. Jacobson and made the mistake of taking about the triplets’ mother to Henry and Tyrone), but definitely a bit out there.

So of course it was her luck that her first meeting with one of the triplets’ parents was on the day that their father Henry was at home sick leaving-

She could hear the giggles of the triplets in the hallway heralding their arrival, and indeed a second later a man of average height, brown hair done in a ponytail, and dressed in grey jeans, and a black collared shirt and button up vest came in through the door. Willow clung to his back, and on either side of him he had Hank and Acacia in hand.

He stooped down to let Willow slide down his back, and then stood back up and offered his hand to her.

“Hi. I’m Di-Tyrone Pines. Nice to meet you, um?”

“Mrs. Robinson,” she replied, taking his hand and noticing that for a man he had rather long nails. Oddly sharp too.

She looked over to the far corner of the classroom where the triplets had made themselves at home around Taco the Gerbil’s cage and were staring in awe at the little animal.

“Mr. Pines, may I recommend that the children leave the room and go to the playground? We will be discussing them and there is a teacher out on the ground watching the kids-”

“No, they’re fine in here. I like to keep an eye out on them.”

Mrs. Robinson opened her mouth to object and saw the soft smile on Mr. Pines’ face. Something within her quailed, and she couldn’t shake the feeling of having brushed up against something large and terrible.

All she said was, “Very well.”

She opened her grade book.

“Now, the triplets are not in trouble and for the most part are doing just fine,” Mrs. Robinson started, flipping the pages of her book. “This is just to let you know wh-”

She looked up to see Mr. Pines staring very intently into the distance, like an eagle sighting its prey…She shook that analogy out of her head and cleared her throat.

“Ahem?” Mrs. Robinson did not brook being ignored by her students and the same went for their parents as well.

Mr. Pines shook his head and looked at her. “Sorry. Thought I heard something.”

She frowned at him but let it drop. “Well, all three of them have excellent grades; you should be proud.”

He grinned. “We are.” Then Tyrone winced, as if someone had just shoved a fork in his arm (and where had that image come from?)

Mrs. Robinson arched an eyebrow at him. “Are you okay Mr. Pines?”

He winced again. “Y-yes. Back injury acting up.”

She let it drop. “Now, Hank and Acacia could use a little work on their cursive; I’m going to send you home with some worksheets that will-“

She was interrupted yet again by the sight and sounds of…of….

Mrs. Robinson couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Mr. Pines had dug his hands, his nails-no, his claws, deep into the wood of the desk. He was pale and shaking all over, and even as she watched, there was the sound of cloth tearing, and then erupting from his back, a pair of bat wings.

His eyes shot open and they were pitch black.

Then he disappeared.

Mrs. Robinson had never fainted in her life and she wasn’t going to start now, but her heart was racing because _what the holy hell had just happened._

She felt a tap on her side and looked down to see Willow there, gazing up at her with a fey look in her eyes.

“Don’t worry; Dad-dad will be back in a few minutes,” Willow sweetly said. “Also can we pet Taco?”

Any other time Mrs. Robinson would have said no, not unless she was holding Taco, but all she could do was nod weakly.

Willow patted her hand. “I’ll take care of Taco, I promise,” and she ran across the room.

Mrs. Robinson stayed in her seat, still frozen in shock for the next ten minutes (though she still kept an eye on Hank, Willow and Acacia because teacher senses are strong and she did not want to have to get yet another gerbil for the room.)

One moment there were only four of them in the room and the next there were five.

The first thing she noticed about Tyrone, above all else, was that he was covered in so much blood that it dripped and pooled on the floor.

Blood and bits of bone and chunks of meat that were at one point perhaps various organs.

She felt the bile rise in her throat, competing with the deep, existential terror that was coursing through every inch of her body. Gone was the odd yet still amiable Tyrone Pines. In his place stood a man, no, a _demon_ , in a suit and floating top hat. His eyes streamed bright yellow fire, fangs flashed from his mouth, and when he looked at her, for a second Mrs. Robinson was looking at the end of her life.

The demon turned towards _oh god the children._

She scrambled to get out of the chair but it was too late, he was already by them, he was going to them and-

“DAD-DAD!” With a cry that she wasn’t sure that came from either Acacia or Willow, the three of them launched themselves at the demon, disregarding the viscera that covered him.

And he…he took them in his arms, enveloping them in a massive hug.

Mrs. Robinson felt her entire world drop out from under her.

Demons were not supposed to bury their heads in the necks of children and shudder almost like they were crying (surely not).

Demons were not supposed to check over children head to toe as if they were checking for any possible injuries or hurts.

(“Dad-dad!” Hank cried “We’re _fine._ ”)

And demons _definitely_ didn’t plait the hair of small children whose braid had fallen out.

Soft wavy hair being gently woven by hands coated in deep red and that sight was so incongruous that it spurred Mrs. Robinson to action.  

She finally managed to get out of her seat and make her way towards the triplets.

Tyro-the demon…Mr. Pines? Whatever, _whoever_ he was looked up as she came near him and the triplets, and the air in the room dropped twenty degrees and suddenly she could see her breath on the air. He hissed, honest to goodness _hissed_ like a cat and uttered, “”St̵ép͞ ̧aw͏ąy ̸fr̷om _m̀y ̛_ c̵hil͠d̴re͡n͡ ͞ ** _n͝ow̴.͢”_** _̷_  

In the face of certain death, Mrs. Robinson found herself huffing and crossing her arms.

“Honestly Mr. Pines….whoever you are. I assure you I am not going to harm the children,” she somehow managed to get out even though she was legitimately scared that at any second her heart was going to give out (and damn those cigarettes and damn her for smoking them all these years…)

Acacia helped by wriggling in the demon’s grip and going in a tone that promised the onset of puberty in the near future, “ _Dad-dad!_ It’s just Mrs. Robinson!”

The demon looked at Acacia for a minute, the air taut with tension (not that Acacia or her siblings seemed to notice), and then closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

When he opened them, he was still covered in gore (and increasingly, so were the triplets), still possessed eyes of black and gold. But the air returned to its normal temperature, and Mrs. Robinson felt like she could breathe again. Tyrone released the kids from the hug he had them in and put a hand behind his head.

“So…you were talking about how the kids needed to work on their cursive?”

“No.”

“Um, I’m pretty sure that’s what we were talking about before I got pulled five hundred miles to answer to a ritual sacrifice.”

Mrs. Robinson barked out a laugh. “No, we are not going to talk about Acacia, Hank and Willow until you tell me what the _fu-_ what on god’s green earth is going on.”

“Bu-“

She marshalled thirty years of teaching experience and put it in her voice. “ _Tell me right now Mr. Pines.”_

The demon deflated like a flat tire, and the triplets giggled at the funny look on his face.

“Well, my name is actually….Dipper. Dipper Pines. And one day….”

(Henry brought Mrs. Robinson a massive fruit basket the next day.)


	5. Chapter 5

Dipper stoked Acacia’s curls, damp with sweat, off of her forehead and sighed in the darkness of the living room.

The last two days had been absolutely hellish, and even that was an understatement. First Stan, and now all three of the kids were virulently sick with the flu. Stan at least could take care of himself, and had just locked himself in his bedroom with a gallon of chicken noodle soup and a bucket. But the kids were three, old enough to know there was something wrong with them but still too small to really articulate the fact. They had spent the last 48 hours crying, puking, and burning up with fevers. The only thing that had helped them feel better so far was cuddling in a little pile under three or four blankets, or Dipper’s wings.

Henry had been running himself ragged trying to take care of the four of them. Dipper was barely able to start helping before he was wrenched to a scene of blood and candles and a goat slit open or a  human heart lying on the floor….

And it kept happening, summons too powerful for him to ignore. This last one had pulled him just as he had been holding Willow’s hair back and rubbing her back as she puked in the toilet. He could hear her piteous cries even as he arrived in the circle-

He looked at his niblings on the couch. Luckily they were asleep and it was dark and the blood under his nails would go ignored. Dipper sighed. He couldn’t even burn the flu out of his kids; he had so much excess energy he would hurt them if he even tried.

Hank snuggled against his side a little more, and Willow drooled on his front. Dipper made himself relax. The important thing was he was here now.

Henry came in, looking like a member of the undead. He shuffled to the couch, not even acknowledging Dipper and shakily picked up Acacia, taking her upstairs to the kids’ room. He then did the same for Hank, and then Willow. Dipper peered into the triplets room with the small star that was hanging from the ceiling for that purpose and noted with approval that Henry had lay them down together and was making them into a burrito with their blanket.

Good. Now when Henry came downstairs Dipper would try and make sure his husband got some food in him; he had to take care of his meatsack…er, husband.

Henry came down the stairs and to the couch and before Dipper knew what was happening, picked him up and began to carry him to their bedroom.

Dipper tried to wiggle out but Henry’s arms held him tight.

“Henry-what-”

Henry nudged open the door of their bedroom with a shoulder and unceremoniously plopped Dipper onto the bed. A blanket was thrown on top of him, and Henry mechanically tucked the edges under Dipper’s side, making the blanket snug and tight against him.

Then Henry went to his side of the bed, got in still fully dressed, and immediately fell asleep.

Dipper blinked in the darkness at the ceiling.

He made a note to himself to make sure Henry slept in tomorrow


	6. Chapter 6

When the kids were seven, Mabel’s soul reentered Gravity Falls.

Dipper knew because it felt like his whole being suddenly was ringing and vibrating like a bell being played, every ounce and fiber of him vividly and completely aware of the presence of his sister so near to him again.

Henry knew because Dipper burst into the library during Tuesday Senior Pilates Hour, ran up to him, and yelled “Ș̜͙H͓̣͍̻̜̀E̙̤'̗͉̝̱̝̦̲S̯̠̗̳̹ͅ ̴B̯̼̥̮A͖̖͍̼͙ͅC̸Ḳ͈͍̺͝.̩̬̠̕” before puffing into the ether.

(Henry was thankful he was in his office alone at the time, not only because he started to cry, but because bad eyesight among the members of Senior Pilates could only explain away so much.)

Dipper puffed back a second later, vibrating with excitement….literally.

“I̩̜̝̳ ̻̰̱̝ͅF̤̳̟͠O͎U͚̟͜N̜̼̱̳̮̕D ̢̮̺̞H͓͓̘̫̣ͅͅḘR͓̳̣̞̮̜̫ ͎̮̳̙S̩͘H̵̙͇͎̘͖̺E̬̯̪̖͔̝͞ͅ'̵̜͖̮Ś̬̙ ̬͕̥̗̝̦̪A̱̗͔̗̹͍T͍̳̬̪̪̕ ͔̭̮̥̩̪T̷͚̹͉̥͍̻̗Ḫ̭͓̬͉̝E̙͎̻̹͎̤̭ ̢S̖̤̱͖̗̩ͅC͈̯͖̝̙̘H̛O̤̰͎͉̼̻͠O͍̮̳̱̬͜L̳̹̣ ̭̙̻̕LE̳̗T̼͖S͈̜̳͢ ̵͖̱̘̲̥G̮̺̮̹͙̳O̘͔͔ ̴͔̻̳̼̭̺ͅS̝E͈̥̯̟̠̘̫E͇̭̟̣̭̗͖͠ ͓̼̥̟̥͕H̴̫E̱̬͇̙R̷͕͇ ̸͈̬̥͎N͔̙͠ͅOW̺͙̥-  
  


Henry sighed. “No Dipper.”

Dipper went utterly still. “What?”

“We need to leave her alone, whoever she is,” Henry explained gently, wiping a tear from his eye.

Dipper just gaped at him. “But…but…S͘he̷'̡s right̸ h͠er͢e͏!́”

“I know Dip….but, that girl isn’t Mabel. She’s a new person, and we need to respect that, respect her space.”

“How…how can you even say that? Don’t you lo-”

Henry looked at Dipper. Dipper stopped talking.

Henry sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Just….we need to let her be, let her live this new life. Maybe you can see her when she’s a little older-”

“And you too!”

Henry snorted, an ugly, sad sound coming from him. “Yes because the basketball player sized adult man going up to a small girl with no context will surely end well.”

Dipper opened his mouth, almost said something, closed it again.

Then he poofed out of the room once again.

Henry bonked his head on his desk. He was really unsure how to feel right now.

—

Henry thought he could just….fuck, he didn’t want to say ignore this because this was Mab-….someone with Mabel’s soul he was talking about. But he wanted whoever she was a chance to live her own life, independent of who he knew her as before. Dipper, he knew, had blocked her aura from his senses, even though he had had to lock himself in the bedroom and sob his eyes out for an hour afterwards.

He was worried that he and Dipper’s moping would affect the triplets, but for once they didn’t even notice, not even Willow. The three of them had made a new friend at school, who they absolutely loved. She was coming over to play and spend the night on Friday, which was why Henry and Dipper were at the store on Thursday, getting the stuff to make lasagna.

(Well, only Henry could see Dipper. But this was Gravity Falls, everyone knew Dipper was there floating next to him.)

“Can you make two trays?” Dipper asked, almost wheedling.

“Dip, the oven isn’t big enough,” Henry reminded him for the five hundredth time, tossing two boxes of noodles in the cart.

“Well make them back to back.”

Into the cart went some italian sausage. “I don’t have five hours to spend on that; sorry, Dip.”

Henry kept pushing the cart for another second but then realized that Dipper was no longer with him.

He looked back to see that Dipper was standing stock still, looking at a little girl at the end of the aisle. Deep brown eyes were staring just as intently back, so Dipper must have popped into corporeality. She looked to be the triplet’s age, or a little younger. She had deep bronze skin, her glossy black hair was done in two pigtails, and she was wearing pink overalls covered in flowers, with a purple t-shirt  that was splattered with paint. A woman who Henry assumed was her mother held her hand and was looking quizzically at Dipper as well.

“Ija, why are you staring at that man?” she asked her daughter gently.

The little girl didn’t respond, but instead broke free, and bolted into Dipper’s arms, bowling him over.

“Carmen, Nita-why did you just do a somersault in the store?” the woman cried, running over.

Almost like she didn’t see Dipper, see the way her daughter had buried her head in Dipper’s shirt (just like the kids did) and murmured so low that only the two of them could hear, “Dipdip…”

Just as Carmen’s mother reached them, the little girl let Dipper go and latched on to Henry’s leg. He felt her tears seep into his jeans. “Henry,” she muttered, and burrowed her face into his leg. Henry wanted to do something, say something, but he was utterly frozen in shock, shaking with the warring emotions running in him.

Carmen’s mother finally got there, and gently plucked Carmen from Henry’s leg.

“I am so, so, sorry, er, um-?”

“Henry,” he dazedly replied, holding out a hand. “Henry Pines.”

“Mercedita Sicangco….I am so sorry about Carmen’s behavior, we just moved here and I think she’s still adjusting.”

Henry somehow swallowed some spit down his throat and managed a “No worries ma’am.”

Mercedita smiled. “Well, thank you for understanding…come on ija….”

She led her daughter to another part of the store, leaving Henry and Dipper to stare after her.

“That-” Henry finally managed to choke out.

“That was her,” Dipper confirmed.

The noodles and sauce and meat in the cart seemed so pointless now.

—

“Why do you like this girl?” Henry had asked each of his children on Wednesday night, when they had asked him if she could spend the night.

“Because she loves to look in the dirt for worms with me!” Acacia crowed, a sweater covered in dirt testifying to this fact.

“She likes Aurora and the Boxcar Kids, and…and…she has the next one,” Hank confided with no small amount of awe.

Willow had looked at him with that far away look in her eyes that Henry had learned to associate with her Sight, and finally she said, “She’s nice and I like her.”

Perhaps all of that should have been a clue.   
  


Perhaps considering the store the day before, Henry should not have been surprised that when  his children brought their new best friend home, it was the same pigtailed overall wearing girl from the day before.

Carmen Sicangco looked up at Henry as the school bus drove away, and once again launched herself onto his legs.

He and Dipper could never decide if this was the universe’s way of giving something back to Mabel’s children, to them, or if this was the worlds’ way of just fucking with them.


	7. Chapter 7

Dipper plibbed into the kitchen, having remembered at the last second to clean the blood and stray bits of organ and bone that covered his shell. No point in upsetting his husband unduly after all.

Henry looked up from his seat at the kitchen table. Days when the moon was full usually resulted in summons that Dipper would be unable to resist, so today Henry had decided to work from home. One hand typed at the keyboard of his laptop while the other held a half asleep Willow. Next to the table was a playpen where Hank and Acacia were already out cold. The black t-shirt that he wore served only to make him look paler than usual. Dipper saw Henry’s head tilt down, knew without seeing that Henry’s gaze had fallen to his left hand on the keyboard. The silver band Mabel had placed on Henry’s finger shone in the light given off by the monitor, and Henry’s aura was roiling, the color of bruises and thunderclouds.

There was a pain in his heart, and Dipper felt his suit melt away into the casual clothes that he had started to wear around the house, when it became clear he would have to play more and more at being human. Of course, his definition of casual still left him in a polo shirt and slacks, but he was making an effort darn it. Dipper came behind Henry, wrapping his arms around the other man’s shoulders, his wings enveloping the three of them in their embrace.

Henry stopped typing and placed his free hand on Dipper’s arm, squeezing it tight.

“One of those days?” Dipper asked gently, throat tight and heart crumbling to cold ashes in his chest.

Henry could only nod. For a second the demon (the twin) in Dipper wailed in anger-how dare Henry make _him_ voice his distress, how dare Henry presume to miss her more, how dare he _hurt_ \- No. No, this wasn’t fair. Henry loved Mabel (and Dipper had gotten more time with her anyway-stop) and Mabel had trusted Dipper to take care of the four people she loved most in her life (after him- _stop!)_

Henry shook his head, in turn shaking Dipper out of the darker turn his thoughts had taken. “I do have something to show you, “Henry said.

“Oh?” Dipper felt Willow drop into REM sleep, and as Henry got up to put her down in the playpen, Dipper shamelessly stole his husband’s chair.

“Yeah,” Henry went on as he bent over to put his daughter next to her siblings. “Mr. Hagesawa sent it to me. It’s one of those optical illusion pictures. It’s silly but damned if I haven’t spent the last five minutes looking at it. I’m not sure if it would work for you though, I mean, you got different eyes than me-“

Dipper pshawed. “Seriously? I’m like, the King of Mysteries and Illusions!” He paused. “Literally. There’s a cult calling me that now. It’s kind of weird.” He wiggled in the seat until his wings were comfortable. “I bet I can see _both_ layers at once!”

On the screen was the picture in question. Henry had blown it up so it took the whole screen. It was of a rose garden, complete with ivy covered trestles, and a white whicker garden set that had tea for three set on the table.

“What am I supposed to see?”

Henry chuckled. “If you stare at it long enough, you’ll see the pyramids of Giza.”

Dipper barely heard him, intent on analyzing every pixel on the screen. His face got closer and closer until it was practically plastered to the screen.

“W̩̖̳̮̥͟ͅh̙̗̝y ͕͓c͍̰̱ąn̷͍͎̻̦̮̳'̝̞͕̦̞̗̤ț̼͈̪̘ I ̣̱͇̝̜͇͘s͏è̲͕͓̗e̳͉ͅ ̞̺̲̜̜ì̥͕t̴̳͇̺?̭̺͖ͅ” Dipper growled after a minute of staring.

“Yeah, you have to give it at _least_ three minutes, and then the image will start to fade in. It’s really quite neat, I promise.”

Dipper huffed but leaned in closer, closer, anxious to prove to Henry that his far superior sight could easily see through this grimcrack trickery.

Closer, closer, _closer_

A spider leapt out of nowhere at the screen, covered in fanged mouths with snake tongues.

Dipper screamed, and all the faucets in the house turned on and began to spew blood. Dipper screamed and dogs in a ten mile radius all began to bay and howl. Dipper screamed and one two three little stars woke up and began to giggle. His hair raised like a cats and turned his head into a giant poofball, his eyes dilating until they were golden pools.  Dipper screamed and jumped out of the seat, jumped and started to float through the ceiling but remembered at the last minute that he was on this plane and proceeded to get stuck halfway phasing through.

Adding insult to injury, he felt Henry take off his loafers and socks and- Dipper began to spasm and laugh, the Shack shaking to its rafters as Henry tickled his feet until he cried.

When he had gotten down, when he had repaired the damage and gotten the kids calmed down, Dipper looked at Henry and raised an eyebrow.

Henry smiled, albeit a little sadly.

“When I think about Mabel, when I start to get upset, I try and do something that would have made her laugh or that she loved to do.” His sad smile turned into a wicked grin. “And scaring the shit out of you and tickling you until you pee would have been _exactly_ what she wanted.”

Dipper felt his throat close up tight. Finally, he managed to say, “That…that’s a good idea. I think…. I’ll start doing that too.”

Henry placed an arm around Dipper’s shoulder.

“You know what she would have wanted most of all?”

“What?”

“For us to do that together.”

Dipper smiled.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The prerequisite qna chapter

### Anonymous asked: "Friends With (Tax) Benefits" Headcanon: When people start finding out that Alcor married another man, he ends up being the poster boy -poster demon- for gay marriage, instead of asexuality.

Mod S here!

So we don’t actually really see this happening; not because Dipper is homophobic or would even mind promoting more healthy attitudes towards gay marriages.

No, Dipper does his best to make sure that no one knows about his marriage to Henry, for the same reason he hides his relationship to the kids and Stan and Henry when he’s outside of Gravity Falls. It’s _dangerous_ for people to know that Dipper has family and friends….and hell, if people know he has family, how much more of a leap would it be to figure out his true identity?

So to protect them, Dipper keeps the marriage and the kids a secret. I mean, he still wears the ring, _of course_ , but you would be surprised how many people mistake a wedding ring for something akin to The One Ring of Power when a demon wears it.

Let’s not talk about how Dipper is far, _far_ more protective of Henry and Stan and the kids in au/au.

### Anonymous asked: friends with tax benefits hc: when some people see dipper's ring they see it as confirmation that he's married to mizar

Dipper isn’t sure if he wants to cry from sadness or disgust or if he wants to puke in his mouth or laugh or a bit of all four

### Anonymous asked: In Friends With Tax Benefits, Henry gave Dipper a different ring than Mabel's, right? What if that ring exists in both timelines, but we enchanted to be Hank's weapon in the AU we normally follow?

Mod S here!

Henry did give Dipper not Mabel’s ring (he wears that on a chain around his neck) but his grandfather’s ring.

In regular AU, I had originally had it that Dipper made the ring that Hank wears but you know what, I love this so much RETCON FICLET.

-

Hank opened the small box his uncle had given him.

Inside was a battered silver band. It looked familiar….

“It’s your great-grandfather’s ring. Um, not mine, but yours,” Uncle Dipper explained. “Your dad let me make some adjustments to it.”

Hank saw that the inside of the band, in addition to two sets of initials and a date, there was a tiny big dipper inscribed in the band as well.

He slipped it on his right ring finger and knew that he was probably never taking it off again.

“If you ever need a weapon,” Uncle Dipper went on, “Just touch a drop of blood to it, and-”

Hank was already way ahead of him, and now clutched a baseball bat covered in runes, barbed wire, and glass.

Hank grinned. 

Best birthday present ever.

###  [callmegallifreya](http://callmegallifreya.tumblr.com/) asked: FWTB Alcor, being actually married to Henry under his demon name not his human one (because he's registered deceased), is obliged to attend things like parents evenings, and does so in his demonic form. Maybe not the scary one, but he's got wings and the eyes etc. (Actually shows up as triplets' Dadcor to the meetings, not just because Henry summons him after a teacher has concerns about them getting into demons or threatens to call CPS)

Dipper actually worked his magic a bit and has his name on the certificate as Tyrone Pines (as well as his home being Funkytown CA, and his parents dying from orca attacks in the Gulf of Mexico). 

And he’d probably do his best to appear human, because you know he’ll be going to every single event that requires a parent. Dipper was always like a second dad to the triplets in the main story, but in this au-au, it’s even moreso since Mabel passed away. He’s at every PT conference, play, field trip, you name it. (He’s a hundred times more protective of them in this au for obvious reasons)

Of course, poor Mrs. Robinson ends up having the same fate too. Who knows, maybe more than just one teacher ends up finding out the triplets’ dad is Alcor…

###  [kecleetheturtle09-blog1](https://kecleetheturtle09-blog1.tumblr.com/) asked: In FWTB, what happens to dippers relationship with his parents? I mean it was already stressed with him being a demon and all, but with Mabel dead...

A relationship that is already strained at times in the regular AU becomes…somewhat worse in Friends With Tax Benefits. 

Especially since Mark and Anna are _not_ stupid and can recognize who this “Tyrone Cypress” is from a mile off. Not to mention Henry can’t exactly hide the fact that he got legally married to someone. 

Things come to a head about three months after Dipper and Henry get married, when the kids are about one, and Mark and Anna pay a surprise visit, ostensibly to see the triplets.  

Dinner is already awkward enough but then the accusations come. That Henry is spitting on the memory of his wife, of their daughter. That Dipper shouldn’t be within five hundred miles of infants.

That Dipper wanted Henry this whole time, and didn’t have a problem taking ‘care’ of Mabel to get who he wanted and-

This may or may not be when Henry stands up and breaks Mark’s nose. 

Mark and Anna eventually try to gain custody of the kids, but luckily fail as the children are obviously well cared for and loved, not to mention they can’t really a good reason as to why Tyrone shouldn’t be trusted. For some reason, they cant exactly whip out “Tyrone is our long thought dead son who’s now a demon.”

Needless to say, after _those_ two incidents, Henry and Dipper break off all contact with Mark and Anna.

Dipper and Stan are devastated. Dipper because they were still his parents, he still loves them, but what they accused him of doing to Mabel, _to Mabel_ …well. He can’t forgive them, even though part of him can’t help but want to. As for Stan, Mark is one of his last links to his brother, and to see him acting so callously leaves him heartbroken. Though this being Stan, he wouldn’t _quite_ put it in those terms.

Mark and Anna may be plagued with dreams for the rest of their lives of what could have been, what they could have had with their grandchildren, but do not. 

### Anonymous asked: In FWTB verse... is Henry basically Mizar to researchers/cults/cult members who survive/historians/etc? I know in regular he's called Sarva or something but does he take Mabel's place as Mizar in FWTB, however accidentally this may have happened?

Not quite! 

There was still about 15 years of joint Mabel and Dipper ass kicking for Mizar to become well known and to stick in people’s minds and in mythology.

That being said, Sarva does enter the lexicon. Sarva the Sad, Sarva the Sorrowed, Sarva the Widow. A pale man all in black, gaunt and terrible. Kinder and softer than Alcor yet, somehow, less likely to show pity or mercy.

(the myths don’t mention Sarva much, but when they do, it’s never good. And never pretty.)

 

 


End file.
